We all have a few phobias and now I can add another one to my list – tilefonikophobia, from the Greek, a fear of call centres. I have written here before of my dread of hold music, but now I fear the actual moment when I get through to a human being and have to explain what I need.

   

I think working in a call centre must be so stressful, especially when they get someone like me on the other end of the line. I have decided that I am also going to advise that the phone call will be recorded for quality and coaching purposes, so I can see where I went wrong and where I need attitudinal adjustment.

I tried to behave better the other day when I received a call from Virgin Money. My mobile rang and a woman’s voice asked if she was speaking to Guy Noble. I had a quick look in the mirror and answered “Yes”. Then she said, “I’ll need to identify you.” I said, “Well you rang me, so unless you just dialled random numbers and made up my name,...