We are in the process of putting in a new kitchen and our builder was (and still is) a fine percussionist. He turned to carpentry as a different and better-paid form of creativity. He plays jazz and that informs his building. Measurements are taken and plans are drawn up, but as I said to my wife, “I think we are going to have a jazz kitchen and not a classical kitchen.”

Photo © Stephanie Ho/Pexels

Your classical renovation is all tightly controlled to the last millimetre. Cupboards are made and installed, while the whole process begins with a bright allegro demolizione followed by an adagio carpenteria and finally a rondo alla cucina to the end. A jazz kitchen is pretty much made up as you go.

Would I prefer Beethoven or Miles Davis to build my kitchen? I fancy Ludwig would be upset by small deviations in measurements and unforeseen problems like termite damage or walls that are not perfectly square. He would be muttering in German about the idiot aristocracy and their overpriced renovations, before installing cupboards and then ripping them out...